What to do when things don’t ‘seem’ to fit.

Carol Miller Positivity Leave a Comment

Fitting inHave you ever tried and tried and tried to make something fit? You tried hard to make the job work. You tried hard to get your boss to like you. You tried hard to make your relationships work from friendships to romance. Why? Because you want to have a job that you are passionate about. You want to be respected by your colleagues. You want friendships that are supportive and fun. You want a romance that makes your already good life to be off the charts amazing.

It’s pretty easy to identify our square peg in a round hole relationships as they are often a constant struggle. Everything you do is met with resistance, frustration and struggle. How about being able to identify the relationships that are a round hole with a round peg, but the peg is slightly bigger than the hole? How do you move forward with that?

I was recently invited to be part of two new groups of people doing great work in the world. I was and am excited about both. However, both have been a different experience. Again, both are doing great work and it’s truly an honor to be invited in. So being a square peg, or perhaps a slightly larger round peg doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. It simply means it’s not a perfect fit. Group one was a local gathering and most of the people have been doing this work far longer than I and perhaps that is why it wasn’t a perfect fit as my little girl said you aren’t big enough for ‘these’ people. “These’ people also were deep into fixing the world which is quite admirable and yet my focus is on loving the world as I feel there is far more that doesn’t need ‘fixed’ in the world than what does need fixed. I really enjoyed them all and I’m in total awe of what they have accomplished in their individual established organizations. Group two has been an online community in which I know a couple people and it varies from those that are advanced in their work to people just starting out. I had an immediate connection with the person who started this group and she is a powerhouse in her own right, and yet I wasn’t intimidated at all. It felt right.

Both groups include amazing people. Both groups are big hearted on serving the world. Both groups welcomed me. So why was there a different feel? Group one is a slightly larger round peg with a smaller round hole, so the fit requires more attention. Group two felt like an immediate fit. It’s not about a right or wrong fit, it’s just about an easier fit for me personally. I am excited that I am involved with both groups and who knows, as time moves forward the fits may change. As we get to know each other better, I expect the fit will become easier and easier, just like other relationships in time.

Now before you go weeding out your square peg/round hole relationships and determining how big the larger round peg – round hole ones are, know that all have value for you. It’s your decision on how much effort you put into these relationships. All relationships require work, even the ones that are a perfect ‘easy’ fit as you need to nurture and care for them to continue that tight fit. Easy relationships still have challenges, however, you know when your boss, friend or lover is coming from fear versus love as they know when you are as well.

The other relationships require more work and you get to decide if they enhance your life or detract from it. So don’t go throwing away relationships just because they aren’t easy, but do decide how much work you are willing to put into them. I still love my square peg/round hole relationships, I just don’t spend as much time with them as we are simply not a good fit.

Moving forward whether you are trying to fit in with a boss, a friend or a lover, I invite you to fit in by:

Living with an open heart and being open to infinite possibilities. Living with an open heart is scary and yes you can get hurt. However living in fear is far scarier and more hurtful as you are missing out on opportunities to live your best self. Live Boldly-Love Deeper-Laugh Often-Hug Longer-Smile Bigger.

Observing your relationships rather than judging them. Discover if you are in relationships with people who live more in a state of love or in a state of fear. And trust me, we all have both, so pay attention to where their primary focus is. People who come from a space of love are able to be more vulnerable and share their insecurities with you. By knowing where their primary focus is, it allows you to make decisions on how involved you are with them. Fear based people are simply not ready to step into their highest self, it doesn’t remotely make them bad people.

Being gentle with yourself and others. Again ALL relationships require work. The easy ‘fit’ relationships still require nurturing, they just tend to invigorate you rather than deplete your energy. By knowing if they enhance or detract from your life allows you to make better decisions on how much of your time and energy you share with them.

Understanding that those square peg relationships do serve you too as they allow you to grow compassion and patience along with allowing you clarity on what relationships you do want in your life.

Mostly my wish for you is to have off-the-chart relationships in all aspects of your life as you deserve to be seen, you deserve to be heard, you deserve to know you matter and you deserve deeper love, laughter and happiness in your life.

Until next time, you always fit in with love.


With an open heart and open mind I easily fit in.

Uplifting Quotes

“You cannot tailor-make the situations in life but you can tailor-make the attitudes to fit those situations.”

~ Zig Ziglar

“A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.”

~ Mark Twain

“If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts.”

~ Albert Einstein

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