How are you leading your life?

Carol Miller Positivity Leave a Comment

box-1373480_1920How are you? I mean really truly, how are you? I probably say this weekly and if not at least a couple times a month – that when life is giving you what you want, it’s easy to be in a state of gratitude, appreciation and love. But how about when fear is showing up knocking loudly that things aren’t what you want? POUND, POUND, POUND. The news tells us what we don’t want through broadcasting global tragedies loudly and often. POUND, POUND, POUND – perhaps you were just laid off, unemployed, working a job you don’t like, or feel disrespected at work. POUND, POUND, POUND – maybe you are dealing with divorce/breakup, death or feeling lonely because you want a relationship you don’t have. POUND, POUND, POUND – perhaps it’s a health or financial scare that is causing you anxiety. POUND, POUND, POUND – when one fear gets your attention, other fears start creeping in as well as the door has been opened.

So how are you leading your life? From a space of love, compassion and gentleness for yourself and others? Or from a space of fear, lack, resentment, and hurt. My guess is a mixture of both – more love when things are going great and yet we can still get that ‘it’s too good to be true (fear) feeling’ even when we’re loving life. And when things aren’t going as planned, fear probably takes the lead or at least does everything in its power to do so.

In the work that I do I am constantly reminded to focus on love and yet, I too step straight into a pile of fear that shows up as impatience, scarcity, unworthiness and/or being overwhelmed. So let’s discuss how we can honor our fear while not giving into it, as fear is truly a help rather than a hindrance. It becomes a hindrance when you allow it to be your guiding light rather than just a sign.

Moving forward, I invite you to pay attention to your fears by:

Seeing fear as a sign: Fear truly is a friend more than it is a foe. Sometimes it alerts us to true danger of something potentially physically happening to us that we can avoid because of being alerted. Most of the time it alerts us to that we are focusing on what we don’t want by our choices in our thoughts, words and actions – scared, sad, frustrated, angry, hurt, etc. When we are aware of it, we can then shift into a more loving place.

Being okay with your feelings: When a tragedy occurs or for that matter anything that occurs that makes you feel less than your best, be okay to feel those feelings. All of our emotions are important and yet we can choose not to act on them.  It’s okay to be sad, angry, scared when something happens that you didn’t want to happen. And I promise you, if you don’t allow yourself to feel your way through it, those fear based feelings will show up again in another situation. The difference is to not allow those fearful feelings to own you. Depending on the impact of the fear in your life, it could be you allow those feelings for a few hours, a few days, a few weeks, or a few months. Allow yourself time to heal. Fear only wins if you allow it to consume you.

There is more love than fear in the world: I am not a news watcher, yet I am on social media a lot and fear likes to stand up tall and yell – POUND, POUND, POUND. The media wants it in your face to show you the ills of the world. And I am by no means saying to ignore the tragedy occurring in the world, but I am asking you to know that fear is not leading the world. For every horrific story shared, I am sure there are a dozen loving stories taking place at that exact time. And on top of that, when a tragedy occurs, people ban together to support and care for those who were or are in harm’s way. If you can make a positive difference by donating, volunteering, etc…than by all means do so.

Knowing it wasn’t a match: If you are dealing with fear based thoughts, words and actions due to relationships or career challenges, know it wasn’t a match and there are matches out there waiting for you to refocus on what you want rather than what you don’t want. If the relationship didn’t work out… it wasn’t a match. If the job isn’t working out, didn’t work out…it isn’t a match. I have had both jobs and relationships not work out that I wanted to hold on to (fear) in the moment and on the other side of that fear, I could see and appreciate exactly why they didn’t work out. It wasn’t easy at the time, but knowing better came from it allows me to move through any challenges that have happened since with a little more grace. Now, I am not telling you to not try if you are really in love with a particular person or position you hold, but I am saying that the challenges are pointing out its not matching where you want to be. You get to choose how much time, energy and focus you want to put into anything, but the more you can do it from a space of love, the less time, energy and focus it will take.

Listen to your heart: When the POUND, POUND, POUND of fear keeps trying to get and/or keep your attention, pause and take a deep breath. Take several deep breaths and fill your body with fresh oxygen. Remind yourself that the world is a friendly place knowing the vast majority of 7 billion people are exactly like you. Remind yourself that there are plenty of matches out there for you. Remind yourself that regardless of what is going on that has put you on guard, love is right there to guide you through it. Quiet your mind and listen to your heart – THUMP THUMP, THUMP THUMP, THUMP THUMP as your heart knows that love is your guiding light.

Mostly, my wish for you is to lead from love because you simply deserve to live life full out with passion, purpose and possibilities. Let fear visit from time to time to remind you where to focus your attention, just don’t invite it to move in. Why? Because you are so worth living a heartfelt life.

Until next time, all you need is love.


I allow love to be my guiding light.


“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” ~ Franklin Roosevelt

“What is a fear of living? It’s being preeminently afraid of dying. It is not doing what you came here to do, out of timidity and spinelessness. The antidote is to take full responsibility for yourself – for the time you take up and the space you occupy. If you don’t know what you’re here to do, then just do some good.” ~ Maya Angelou

“Only when we are no longer afraid to we begin to live.” ~ Dorothy Thompson


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