And then she whispered to me…
I am always here. I am here in celebration. I am here in sorrow.
I am here between the celebrations and sorrows.
Know that when you lose me, I never lose you.
Can faith be broken? You know, when you are going through a really tough time, does faith break? Even in my toughest challenges throughout my life, I truly knew at the core of my being all was well as I had faith knowing that to be true. Sometimes in that initial moment it didn’t feel true, but deep down I knew it was true or would be soon.
The funny thing about my belief in Faith is, recently, it did break – literally! My life is pretty blessed, but as I say all the time being a positive person doesn’t mean things are perfect. Rather it means that when challenges occur, and they do, I focus on the good in the challenge even when sometimes I have to dig really really deep to find it. I had been having a rough few days. In the grand scheme of things, this rough patch was fairly mild. One, my beloved St. Louis Cardinals baseball team lost to the dastardly Chicago Cubs. Yes, I live in Chicago and love the city very much, but the Cardinals have had my heart since childhood. The Cubs haven’t been good for a very long time, so the city was buzzing about it. The night my birds lost I was disappointed, but it’s just baseball – that disappointment would fade quickly. Then I got a cold which reminded me how grateful that I am for being healthy most of the time but it’s a very busy time on a particular client project, so now wasn’t the time to slow down. Hacking, sneezing, and simply not feeling well was not fun. But in truth, my state of mind was mostly due to the realization that I needed to move on from a friendship that wasn’t what I had thought it was or I hoped it to be, and that made me sad.
Now during this time, there was lots of laughter (and coughing) while moving through the process of being disappointed on things not turning out the way that I envisioned. There was a lot of self-reflection. There was trying to focus on what I wanted in my life rather than what I didn’t want. And then…FAITH broke. I was cleaning around my home and didn’t see faith until I heard a loud crash and turned to see it lying on the floor shattered. Now mind you, I am not a sentimental person to things, especially to a coaster, but this surprisingly impacted me. I immediately thought, how could I break faith?? As I looked at the pieces on the floor, tears welled in my eyes. I didn’t feel good, my birds had lost to the CUBS and a significant relationship to me had shifted and now…Faith was broken.
As soon as I gasped about breaking faith, an immediate sense of its okay came over me as if I needed to break faith in order to step into it. I didn’t break faith at all, I just forgot about relying on it for a while. My mood shifted in that moment as I swept up the last remnants of faith knowing that although it appeared to be in my dustpan, in truth it was and always has been inside of me. A new feeling of calm didn’t take away all the sadness, but it did shift me into a knowing all is and will be good. I can’t control the outcome of a baseball game (DARN IT), and even though I’m mostly healthy, I sometimes get a cold. I also can’t control how others act or feel, but what I can control is how I react to disappointment, to illness, and to sadness. Faith reminded me in that very moment of brokenness that nothing breaks, it just changes form.
So if you find yourself in a time of self-doubt, pause and move forward in faith by:
Looking at the gift in the situation. Sometimes finding a gift when you are hurting is very hard to do and you don’t have to do it immediately, but know it’s there when you are ready. Whether it’s in the moment, days, weeks, months or years later, you will find that through that experience you learned more about what you do want by dealing with what you don’t want.
Being gentle with yourself as however you feel right now is okay. Stuffing disappointment, sadness, anger mostly means it will pop back up when you have a similar situation maybe days, weeks, months or years from now. Grow through your feelings, just don’t let them own you.
Believing that you are worthy of your dreams. It’s often through our challenges that we fully define our dreams as we learn what we want by dealing with what we don’t want. Now the easiest way to remain in faith as you create your dreams is not to attach to a specific outcome. Focus on how you want to feel when you are doing work that you love. Focus on how you want to feel with that someone special. Focus on the feeling of the dream first and foremost. You can still go into detail about how you want it to look and add on ‘this or something better’ as that allows your dreams to be even bigger than you could have imagined. When you focus on the general feeling of how you want your life, then you open yourself up to infinite possibilities on how it shows up.
Mostly, my wish for you is knowing that faith is your cheerleader, your backbone, your confidant and your friend. Faith is YOU!
Until next time, faith is calling…pick up and answer.
I have faith in myself knowing all is ultimately well.
Words to Live By
“Faith is taking that first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”
~ Martin Luther King
“Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.”
~ St. Augustine
“Resist your fear; fear will never lead you to a positive end. Go for your faith and what you believe.”
Songs of the Soul